This season has been really hard financially. We live mostly paycheck to paycheck and have received a lot of help from our families off and on.
It’s not something we’ve had to do much of in our 15 years of marriage. In fact, most of the time it’s been easy. I worked a 9-5 that paid really well. My hubby worked one too and we lived a modest lifestyle, so even if one pay period was rough, we could usually recoup things within a few weeks.
Do you remember the Israelites in the wilderness? They trusted God daily for their sustenance. Manna from heaven. Meat that just flew in. God taught them how to trust Him after they had spent years in bondage.
We must’ve missed this lesson earlier in our marriage. Although I was “thankful” to God for my job, the truth is I trusted in myself and my ability to earn a living more than I did in God to provide.
I was used to being the one who could help someone out. I was the one who brought the bags of groceries to a family in need. I was one of the people who helped extra when the extra offerings happened at church. I don’t say that to brag, but in all humility.
I didn’t realize how much I took comfort in that until recently. I love being able to give and be a blessing, but I didn’t know how to receive it myself. And I didn’t realize that some of my identity was wrapped up in being “the giver”.
Yesterday God tested my humility and ability to say, “we need help”. A friend posted something on Facebook about having two weeks of groceries in the pantry for emergencies. As I looked in mine, I realized I only had a few days worth (getting to the end of a pay period), and I made a “sarcastic” comment about “you buying?”
I didn’t think anything of it until he messaged me later.
He asked how we were and if we needed help or if I was just joking. I almost said, “no, I was just kidding, lol”.
But what a terrible lie that would’ve been.
As tears welled up in my eyes, I shared that it’s been a rough month (taxes due and insurance and car stuff bled us dry), and the idea of an emergency where I would need a couple of weeks of food was not within our reach right now. We typically buy enough food for a few days at a time, so we had food, but not a whole lot “stockpiled”.
If I had said, “no, I’m fine” I would’ve missed out on what happened next.
This person, out of his and his wife’s generosity, blessed us with enough to build that stockpile.
I didn’t realize how much pride was in my heart until that moment. I’m so used to doing it on my own, so used to figuring it out. So used to “thanking God” for something I did on my own. I almost said no and would’ve robbed him of an opportunity to be a blessing. Am I the only one who’s like this?
God is teaching me something valuable that no class or sermon could ever do justice. The lesson to trust in Him for every single thing I need. And I mean really trust Him. He’s teaching me that the provision will come in unexpected ways, but I need to be willing to receive it.
And that’s the hard part. Because receiving it often means laying down my pride. It means recognizing when I can’t do something on my own. It means fessing up when a Facebook friend asks how you are and if you need help.
This journey has been filled with these moments. We’ve had neighbors literally pull us out of the mud. We’ve had eggs and boxes of fruit show up at our door. We’ve had water bottles show up in our van. God is showing me how His body is supposed to operate.
The Word says that He blesses us to be a blessing. I’m thankful God is teaching me to be on the receiving end of this.
How about you? Is there something you’ve been waiting on the Lord for, but your pride is getting in the way? Maybe you’ve been telling everyone the little white lie that you’re fine, but you’re barely holding it together. Maybe you need prayer but you don’t want people to judge you.
Lay it down. Don’t let your pride keep you from the blessing.